COWGIRLS VS. CANCER
Healing with Horses and Yoga
Through Cowgirls vs. Cancer, Big Sky Yoga Retreats aims to provide scholarships to yoginis who have experienced the physical, emotional and financial hardships of breast cancer. In 2010, we are bringing 2 women out to Montana on a Cowgirl Yoga retreat (scroll down for Amy's & Diane's stories). This healing and rejuvenating retreat will give them something positive to look forward to, and help them regain an internal sense of peace and balance. Our hope is that through fundraising efforts, we can raise enough money to make several breast cancer survivors Cowgirl Yoginis every year. Please help us make a difference in the fight against cancer. Or in cowgirl lingo - help us kick cancer's ass.
Yeehaw & Namaste!
HOW TO HELP
Giddy Up & Get your Cowgirl tee
Big Sky Yoga Retreats has teamed up with ChewyLou Designs and retreat alumna Alyssa Dinowitz to create the "Cowgirl" tee.
Price is $34. Long-sleeved tee in chocolate and pink, with pink writing. The front simply says "COWGIRL". The sleeve has the CY "brand", with a hand-embellished Swarovski crystal. And the back spells it all out:
All proceeds from the sale of this tee will go to our Cowgirls vs. Cancer scholarship fund, dedicated to paying tuition and travel costs for Cowgirl Yoga scholarship recipients. So start shopping - buy one for yourself, your mom, your sister, your friends, anyone you know who wants to be a Cowgirl! Full scoop on the Cowgirl tee here (sizing, shipping, returns, etc.)
Cowgirl Charity Yoga in Bozeman
Saturday, May 15, 2010 @11 am
Margaret will be teaching a Cowgirl Charity yoga class to benefit Cowgirls vs. Cancer at Be The Change Yoga Studio in Bozeman, Montana. All donations go to our scholarship fund. Minimum donation of $5.
Local cowgirls, join us and get your yoga on for a good cause. See you there!
ABOUT AMY
2010 Cowgirls vs. Cancer scholarship recipient
Growing up my parents modeled many of my current day values, with a strong emphasis on a lifestyle of health and wellness. My father was a marathon runner who practiced yoga every morning to Lilias on PBS before Yoga was mainstream. Mom, a nursing instructor, grew and maintained acres of organic vegetable gardens and fruit trees. I recall fall evenings spent canning and freezing earth's bounty to provide our family with healthy meals.
As an adult, I cultivated these same experiences in my own life. I became a yoga instructor while raising four children, understanding that my practice not only gave me balance in a hectic lifestyle but also spoke to my children about the connection of a healthy mind and body.
On August 17, I anticipated a "normal" day in our household. An early morning practice, a first routine mammogram appointment, and preparation for one last quick summer getaway were on the Amy Annis docket for the day. It was a beautiful day and my only thought was to move through morning quickly and enjoy those last few summer moments before it was back to school and life got crazy busy. I was curtailed at the appointment, asked to return for a few more tests, and by 5 pm I found myself meeting with a surgeon discussing strategy for my breast cancer diagnosis.
I will always remember that evening, sitting at a computer researching risk factors in an attempt to understand how this could have happened to me. Never smoked, exercised all my life, no family history of cancer. The only risk factor that applied was that I am a woman.
Wait, whoa, what...cancer? Are you kidding? The shock and awe of that word knocked me off my feet for at least three days. The following week wasn't much better as I unconsciously walked through a barrage of tests, able to pick up only a word here and there. First, I heard "cancer", the next phrase being invasive lobular cancer, then finally someone in the medical community mentioned the "size"...this wasn’t the tumor of a green-juicing, organic-eating, forty year-old yoga mama. This was the kind of tumor typically seen in the breast of an eighty year-old woman. Internally, I began bracing myself for the worst, planning in my head for the potential of hearing the word terminal.
Fortunately, the next word wasn't terminal, it was "treatable." I'm still clinging to that word and the hope it gives me.
Today chemo has begun, and as the strength of my body slows, I draw on the values yoga has taught me. The philosophy of acceptance now outweighs the memory of a strong yoga instructor who once had the ability to lead a roomful of students through a challenging sequence. As I laid recently in my MRI, holding hands with my husband, I could visualize the beautiful faces of my children while releasing tension with each exhale.
Cancer, without a doubt, shakes your foundation. And yet, I am still invigorated by the support of my cancer posse, a circle of friends and family who have rallied around me at each bend in the road. As I journey through, something disguised as a loss has slowly emerged as an opportunity. My focus isn’t completely clear yet but I do have a newly found creative edge, a desire to make a difference, and a better appreciation for my amazing life.
My children gave me meaning, yoga fed my soul, and cancer is my new springboard for limitless opportunities. If you would have asked me on August 17, how has cancer affected you, I could not have imagined it would have made me so fearless. And how, despite many tears at each turn, I am empowered.
For years I have lived in the world of a busy mom, prioritizing math homework and navigating the complex world of carpooling. I decided at one point to justify my love of yoga; I could teach it, and contribute to the family in some small way. Late nights, when the kids would finally sleep, I would pour through yoga books and publications dreaming of the day when a yoga retreat could be a reality. Now that I have cancer, I approach things with gusto. That fearlessness I mentioned before allows me to envision not "what if" but "when". An email with Margaret from Big Sky Yoga Retreats was the first step. Now, as the reality of it unfolds, I envision yoga, breathing in a Big Sky breath, and just "being" in a Montana moment. It's healing.
Photos of Amy by Lucinda Kemmet
ABOUT DIANE
2010 Cowgirls vs. Cancer scholarship recipient
It has been two years since my last cancer and, although it may seem pretty normal to some, my life since cancer has been one worth fighting for!
Next month my baby girl is graduating from UNCW with a degree in English and a high school teaching certificate. I am so proud and excited to see the next phase of her life unfold. Considering where she started, she has come a long way, much like my battle with cancer (or I should say, cancers).
Last week my 25 year old daughter called and needed a vacation, so she asked me to join her in Costa Rica for six days. We did nothing but relax! It was just what we needed. I am so honored that my daughter feels she can call and ask me to go on a vacation with her. When life is challenging and she needs her mother I am here! Cancer can take away many things, but it can’t take away being a mom.
Last month my husband and I had the privilege of taking care of our 15 month old granddaughter while the rest of her family traveled through California. Her mother, father and five month old sister were in quest of a suitable Doctorate program for Matt—her father/my son. We had the best time ever with our granddaughter—but I do know why God, in his infinite wisdom, gives babies to the young! Our granddaughter has been a guiding light throughout my cancer and recovery. She was born with Spina Bifida, and she never ceases to amaze me with her endless abilities and talents. She is currently going to therapeutic horseback riding!
In December, my husband and I celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary. Wow, that's a really long time, yet it is hardly any time at all. We were looking at pictures taken shortly after we were married, and in my mind we still look the same but somehow the camera lies to me. I would not have become the woman that I am had I not married and had children and now grandchildren. Yet, here I am. I could say the same about my cancer. It has shaped me to be the person that I am, and I have lived with cancer—or the effects of cancer—for almost 35 years. I was first diagnosed with Hodgkin's Disease at the age of 19. I had surgery to remove my spleen and nine weeks of radiation treatments. I was told then that there was a good chance that I would be sterile. Thank goodness I wasn't because my children have enriched my life in ways that I could never have imagined.
My husband and I raised those children as best we saw fit, and life seemed to be normal--or as normal as it can be—owning our own business and having 3 children. Our life was exactly what anyone could ask for. However, as we all know, life has this mysterious way of changing courses when we least expect it. In 2001, with little time to think of myself, between the horseback riding lessons, surf contests, and cheerleading competitions, I was diagnosed with radiation induced chondrosarcoma of the breast. So, essentially, the treatment that saved my life previously, and allowed me to become a wife and mom, was now coming back to haunt me.
Looking back, at 19 I was only a baby, a baby who made a life-altering decision to reject a treatment that could one day ‘potentially’ ruin my chances of having children. If I had known I would be facing death once more, would I have still refused the treatment? Absolutely. I would never have traded a cancer-free life for the life I have led. Now, I would definitely give up the experience of cancer to keep the life I have but I don't think it works that way.
So, this treatment was a bit more intense. I had a bilateral mastectomy, 4 rounds of chemo, high dose chemo, an autologous stem cell transplant and more radiation. Whew! It took a village to allow me to be able to do that. My sister was my caregiver, while her husband graciously took on her role, and raised their two teenage children. My husband, unquestionably did the same—raising our children, and sitting effortlessly by my bedside. The stem cell transplant required many trips to Duke and a month-long stay taking care of a person that was pretty much a zombie. My children had to cope with a Mom that was completely out of it, and looked scary.
For six months straight, friends came every two or three days and brought food to my family. These memories remind me that there are so many gifts to be grateful for.
Now, nine years later so many goals have been accomplished. All of the children have graduated from high school, gone on to college and graduated, my son married the perfect woman and has 2 darling little girls. My daughters are both perfect women, and my best friends.
There is one caveat in all of that perfection: I was diagnosed in 2007 with not one but two cancers at the same time. I should have realized that luck of some form or another was on my side and rushed out and bought a lottery ticket. This time I had Hodgkin's Disease (again) and Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. What are the odds of that? Again, I got to hear my doctors say, “Wow, I've never seen this before.” That's NOT what a patient wants to hear. So, again, I did 6 chemo treatments, and again so many wonderful people pitched in and helped. My room was redecorated when I came home from Duke. New sheets, a new robe, a new shower curtain, none of which I had asked for—but desperately needed. Food, as usual, just showed up, cards, prayers, almost anything we needed somehow just showed up! I do not know why, or how I became so lucky to have such thoughtful, beautiful souls in my life that know the exact right move to make without even asking me! I do not question why or how though, no point. God gives us these answers when he is ready.
I am 2 years out from that treatment and dealing with the Post Traumatic Stress syndrome of having had cancer, AGAIN. I have lots of ways to cope with that, some good and some not so good but I try to keep an attitude of gratitude and not let it get me down.
One way is yoga.
Yoga is something that I have practiced since high school. Back then, I had to do it from a book since there were certainly no yoga studios in Nash County, NC. People thought it was a bit strange, too. Given my life story, it seemed fitting that others viewed it as strange. I have used yoga to breathe through many procedures as well as to get my strength back from various illnesses. I have also loved horses for as long as I can remember and I have had horses most of my life. I am blessed to have two “Happy Appys” (Appaloosas) right now, and they are also part of my therapy. So, when I read about Cowgirl Yoga in the spring of 2008 I knew right away that it was the catharsis I needed to renew myself after the last round of treatments. What could be better than combining two of my most vital therapies?
I flew to Montana by myself and, I will admit that I was wondering what in the world I thought I was doing!? I was only 4 months out of treatment, blah,blah,blah...But, I'm not really one to give up so I went with much trepidation. Throughout my nervousness and doubtfulness, I just kept thinking of all that I have overcome, and this would be fun, besides if you’re gonna live, might as well take every opportunity you get.
As soon as I got off the plane I knew it was the right choice. Montana is just as big and beautiful as I had always heard. When I got to the Inn that night and met everyone I was in awe. The women were each so unique and amazing. The next morning when I went to Yoga I was ready to see what I could do, and was purely grateful for being able to be a part of this experience. Yes, some of the yoga was kick butt yoga but Margaret is such a great teacher that you want to try, and I was able to do so much more than I thought I'd be able to. Each day I felt stronger and my soul felt renewed. Going out to the barn was another great experience. There we got to talk to each other more and find out more about each other's lives and what brought us to Cowgirl Yoga. Being able to surround myself with such wonderful and different souls was absolutely profound. In today’s society, we often get caught up in our day-to-day lives, and lose touch with human relationships. Here, I was given the opportunity to talk, listen, and learn so much from people and horses! Just being around horses, smelling them and grooming them, brings a calmness and quietness to me quite unlike anything else.
Just as marriage has changed me, as motherhood has changed me, as cancer has changed me, this experience has changed my life, and has had a huge impact on who I am today. When I read the email inviting me to Cowgirl Yoga as a Cowgirls vs. Cancer scholarship recipient, I was so honored and humbled. It is coming at a time when my soul needs a balm, and I know that I will benefit as much this time as I did last time. The Ranch camp retreat sounds like so much fun; I am already dreaming about sleeping under the clear night sky in Montana.
Diane is pictured with her sister Katheryn Harlen, also a breast cancer survivor and founder of Through Healing Eyes