Eeek! Where have I been? Somewhat scattered about. Trying to pull it all together as we hurtle towards the end of 2014, which always seems to be The. Deadline. for. everything. Then I got hit with the cold that won’t go away, and many of the threads I was trying to weave together got loose and frayed. I’m not on time and I’m not prepared. I was late for an appointment yesterday, and hadn’t even gotten dressed yet. I opened up my drawer and there was a shirt on top, with the word “Inspire” across the front. It was a gift. I threw it on and rushed out the door.
I might have forgotten all about this moment, this word I was wearing, as I moved through the rest of my day. But I didn’t. I kept thinking about it: Inspire. Isn’t that part of what this season is about, what we are always looking for? To be inspired. I’m not usually one to wear shirts like this. I’m a realist, to a fault. I would think I might feel a tad insincere wearing something that demands an ongoing positive vibe, since I don’t think I can live up to Inspire, all the time.
And then I had this shirt on for a picture, unintentionally. When I first saw it, I noticed that my hands had not quite come together yet for anjali mudra. And looking at this picture, I suddenly felt strongly that
there was something in that small space – something big. And that I was lucky
to be holding it there, between my hands.
This morning I went to the
dress rehearsal for the Bozeman Symphony’s holiday concert. The star of the
show, a trumpet player, talked about his battle with cancer and how during
treatment, he focused on “having something in front of him” – for
him, that was his music, and the plan to get back on stage again. He needed
to be inspired. I was moved to tears. I thought about the last few weeks,
during which I felt a wide range of emotions as I went through the process of
selecting our 2015 Cowgirls vs. Cancer scholarship recipients. I
fretted, I felt torn, I second-guessed myself. I wished we could bring every
single woman who was nominated out on retreat. I didn’t feel inspired, I felt
defeated, having to choose.
was reminded of the flip side of my recent struggle: Cowgirls vs. Cancer will
bring 10 women to Montana next year. That’s 10 people who have struggled with a
hell of a lot more than I ever have. That’s 10 people to whom I had the good
fortune to send a gift this season – what I hope will be a
life-changing retreat. What I hope will be an inspiration to focus on their own health and well-being.
That space between my hands may be small, but it has a lot of potential to hold
that word. To allow it to blossom around me, with the help of others who
understand that we need each other to be inspired. We hold this potential, and have the ability to give and receive it.
holiday season. Namaste.