Not feeling well makes me feel ungrounded; it’s like adding insult to injury. I know I should accept the need for rest and a slower pace, but what really ends up happening is I feel like a caged animal, wanting to do things and wasting energy getting annoyed that I’m not really up for much. I can’t even settle in with a good book – I have this big list of books I feel I *should* be reading. What’s up with this never ending sense of obligation? Can’t I just read a book for pleasure? Good question.
Truth is, I’ve been a bit jumpy lately. Retreat season is over, and despite the fact that I was looking forward to downshifting to a slower gear, it’s not always an easy transition. At least I’m noticing that I seem to be chasing my tail a little too much…and trust that I will settle down here soon. Do more yoga, you say? I’m working on it. I’ve had trouble settling into my post-retreat season practice. I miss Jivamukti London; when you get that spoiled, it’s hard to get anything else to measure up. It’s not that I don’t have access to great yoga – I do. I just can’t settle in (do you sense the recurring theme here?!). I’ve been trying out some new classes, plowing through some of my former fave home practices, I even did the Ashtanga primary series for the first time in forever. It all feels great – I mean, it’s yoga – but I’m missing that big, contented in-the-moment afterglow that’s so damn addicting once you get a taste of it. I’m in search of that pure yoga high, because I know it’s out there, so why settle for less?
I think that with a yoga practice, as with life, we need to establish a solid foundation that we can draw from at all times. There are so many yoga styles, teachers, classes to choose from – which is wonderful, because it means that every yogi can find a good fit. And I’ve always believed that you shouldn’t be a slave to one style, teacher, or class…yoga variety is a good thing. But, when you find one that gives you that feeling, that healthy addicting yoga high, you need to tune into that too.
The other day, as I went to put on one of my tried-and-true audio practices (without great enthusiasm), the cd got stuck. (Please note that I am in the dark ages and still use cds.) I took this to be a sign, and finally broke out of the feeling-sorry-for-my-yoga-self rut (and 90s technology) and downloaded a Jiva podcast one of my London teachers had recommended. And then, everything else went away…except for the nagging thought that it took me waaay too long to do that. I’ve found my fix.
Now if I could just curl up in bed with one book only…